Monthly Archives: February 2009

i will miss you…

lent: n.

The 40 weekdays from Ash Wednesday until Easter observed by Christians as a season of fasting and penitence in preparation for Easter.

[Middle English lenten, lente, spring, Lent, from Old English lencten.]

for lent every year i give up one or two things, usually sweets and junk food. and it’s not so hard after awhile.

this year, i have toyed with the idea of giving up blogging for lent.

yikes. i can’t believe i actually wrote it.

when i thought about it, i experienced what i can only compare to the shakes, although i don’t really drink and have never done drugs, and have not been “addicted” to anything but sugar maybe (am being sarcastic…about the shakes, not the alcohol and drugs). i thought of all that i would be missing out on: all the exciting adoption news, all the ups and downs that i can relate to with fost-adopt, all the crafts and recipes that people post about, all the up-and-coming fashion news.

and then i remembered what i was taught about lent: that it owes much of its spirit to the forty days Jesus spent in the desert preparing for his ministry. some say he was “tempted” there, but many would say it was more accurate that he was “tested” in the desert. we “deprive” ourselves of things during lent to bring us back to ourselves, and for me, it is a time to remember that i am not really “deprived” of anything in comparison to so many around the world. so i am going to give up sweets and junk food, but i am also going to give up blogging until easter.

i am going to use this time to get back to myself. i haven’t been quiet about my low self-esteem lately. could be post-adoption blues (although j isn’t yet adopted), could be the fear of the unknown concerning j, could be seasonal affective disorder (it’s been gloomy around here), could be stress at work (why does it come all at once?), could be financial stress. it’s probably all of the above. we literally have a minimum of two appointments a week lately, visits from adoption worker, social worker, counselor, taxes, you name it. i feel like a crazy woman, and am getting run down. i just need to re-focus and become inspired again.

so i hope you’ll come back and visit after the easter bunny has come and gone. i will miss you!

and i’ll miss this too…

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p.s. i just recently found out that technically lent doesn’t start until the sunday after ash wednesday? i got kind of excited, thinking i had a few more days of blogging, but no, i will start tomorrow. i. will. not. be. tempted. : )

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welcome baby elijah!

 

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i am a proud auntie! my brother and audrey welcomed their baby boy, elijah, into the world on sunday. i’m just so sad that i’m not there to kiss those cheeks!

can’t wait to meet you!

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no news is good news, but now there's news.

so we thought that we would have a decision in may.

j’s csw called yesterday and wants to call a team decision making meeting where all parties involved, meaning us, j’s csw, her supervisor, our adoption worker, her supervisor, the bio-mom’s aunt, who has applied to adopt j, her adoption worker, her supervisor, and two-three people of our choice who will speak on behalf of us and our home. seems like a lot of people to me, but i think j’s csw hopes that when the aunt knows that he is in a good home that she might drop her request to adopt.

i have no idea if this aunt has met j, but seeing as his bio-mom still has visitation rights, we feel that this aunt, if she really wanted him, would take advantage of these visits with bio-mom to start to bond with him. i’m hoping that her request to adopt was in feeling that there was a strong possibility that he was not in a good placement.

we have tons of people to speak for us. the biggest decision is whittling down the list. we’ll see…

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{some} answers to feeling "spent".

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just when you need to hear words of encouragement or advice they come. this is why i love the world wide web. thanks to my blogging buddies who know just what to say. : )

i also got the latest goop (by gwyneth paltrow) newsletter about feeling “spent”.

here are some excerpts:

GOOP: What does “spent” mean?

Frank Lipman: “Spent” is the word I use to describe people who are overwhelmed, fatigued and feel older than their years. Does this scenario sound familiar? You wake up in the morning groggy and need coffee or something sugary to get going. Then you need more of the same later in the day to keep going. Your brain feels foggy; you’re not sleeping well; your body aches all over; your cold never goes away; and your sex drive is down. You are running on empty, your energy account is tapped out, you are physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted…you are spent. Interestingly, most people think it is normal to feel like this.

ummmm. so it isn’t????

see the newsletter here. i am definitely going to read this one a few times.

and maybe even buy this book.

not that i’m reading 3 others at the moment.

and if you missed it (like me) here is a great newsletter on parenting from two weeks ago.

something that spoke to me from Camila Batmanghelidjh :

What research shows is that in the presence of a caring companion, the calm from the caretaker’s brain can create calm in the child’s brain. Because their brain is not developed fully, very young children will need the adult consistently with them to help them manage emotions and energy. But as the brain develops, the capacity to calm down is “internalized.” The child carries the memories of this ability and can use it to soothe themself when distressed because they remember how the parent did it.

Parents can’t be calm and gentle all the time. You will lose your temper, shout and scream and behave impatiently. But if you apologize and “own the problem” as yours, the child will feel they are not the bad one. They will learn resilience, which, in effect, is the ability to fix bad situations and get the good out of them or transform them into positive outcomes.

tonight we have a toddler, infant, and parent support group for those involved into fost-adopt. i’m really excited to meet others going through the same thing in person. i will let you all know how it goes.

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frustrated with myself.

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after a really great three-day weekend away i can’t bear to get back to reality. i am semi-depressed and extremely frustrated. can’t get myself to cook, clean, or do anything other than lie around in pajamas and watch mindless television.

when’s summer? someone at work reminded me that after this week there are 6 weeks, then spring break, then 6 weeks, then a long weekend, then a couple weeks and summer. wow. the reality is that i am actually loving teaching right now. we are reading two of my fave novels, lord of the flies and the great gatsby. love, love, love them. i am, however, bogged down in a pile of paperwork that only gets bigger every day. my students tell me to just stop assigning work. they are so thoughtful. : )

 

in addition, i am feeling like not such a great parent lately. j has taken to hitting, not other people, mind you, but himself, and it is driving me absolutely nuts. we had another counseling appointment yesterday and he went into full-mode tantrum, screaming and hitting himself. it was utterly confusing and embarassing all at once. i felt inadequate. 

 

 

 

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online confession:i watch american idol…

 

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and sometimes i even vote. yikes. it was terribly painful for me to watch some of the performances last night.

but i think danny is really, really good.

that’s all.

the only problem with this is that i don’t

cook, read, write, or grade…

yikes. i hope i get a life soon.

 

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another valentine idea…

 

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eddie ross’ site is chock full of inspiration. here’s the diy for these valentines. love them. if only i had more time!

won’t be posting for a few days because we are off on a road trip this weekend. have a lovely valentine’s day!

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