many have asked me how my first mother’s day was, and really i can’t express in words the real feelings. too many overwhelming emotions when i truly think about the significance. and it’s not just the day. it’s the overall thoughts i have had recently since we are nearly upon the court date to possibly terminate j’s birth mother’s rights.
i waited for a long time to be a mother. everything i’ve ever accomplished, every award, degree, accolade, nothing compares to motherhood. nothing compares to the pride i feel when j smiles because he’s happy, when he says thank you, or love you, or shares a toy, or shows sympathy for a person or an animal. i love being a teacher, and am proud of the work that i do, but my greatest job, my calling in life, is to be a mother. i love to make our house a home, to clothe him, teach him, and put good and wholesome food into his body. i feel proud when i bake bread, or cook a good meal, or have a clean house because when j and andrew come home, they feel truly at home.
the first night j came to us i could barely believe that he was really here. i looked at him as he slept and promised him and God that i would be the best mother i could be. i am hard on myself at times. a perfectionist like me beats herself up when she makes a mistake. motherhood has had its challenges, and always will, but it’s been more than i could ever expect.